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Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Bring out the best

 

We seek the O Lord in out daily life, we see thy presence in our midst

Where or where can we seek thee but in our selves

Seldom do we find you in ourselves, others we hold as mirrors, to find you

Seek but the way a friend or a foe makes your presence felt

 

We are but here for each other, in trials and tribulation, our duty to bring out the best

Best or worst a choice we make, along this journey in life

The purpose in life is to be thy the pen that thy hand holdeth,

Writing the history of time, one person at a time

 

A photographer captures in the best their smile can be, they mirror the eyes of truth

Their depths revealed to those who know not their truer selves

The teacher teacheth pupil, and soweth the seed of wonder

Showeth in brighter futures its true and hidden colours

 

We are but stones, on rustic mountain sides, people as seasons chisel away, a constant

The harsher we place our selves, the greater the pain of losing our older selves

Createth in us, the angels we set out to become, though create demons of us others

Trust in the people like the farmer trusteth the rain, broken trust a heart break or createth stronger

At the end of day we stand , galiant and radiant to our creator

Careful oh wanderer, where thou goweth, there lie angels and demons alike on path untroden

 

We can be there for those, who ask our help, Can there be be a bridge where no waters lie

Let not ourselves seek those to whom we ask,trust is but a virtue some cherish and others use

Let stones remain on those mountain sides, choice govern our existance

The choice is not ours, but the inner stone to choose to change

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The white beast

the white beast at unease

chained to a piller, riled by thought
in dispair cries out, no one listens
tugs and pulls, the chain too strong
all but a figment of imagination though is
though not without reason the chain exist
though with reason it hankers the mind
clutching and squeezing as it tightens with time
oh but a figment of that reason
many have tried
many have failed
break they didnt the lock of the chains
shackles that make the white beauty a beast
shackles that keep the beast within alive
oh but the beast holds the key
its freedom within reach
nought does the beast unshackle itself
lest not others mock and feast

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Coping

The mind is a strange being and has been fascinating in the way it treats and deals with situations.  I was amazed by the fact that someone who was physically and mentally abused for years only realized at the age of 26. What was intriguing was not that she realized that she was in a bad state but that her mind had forced her to shut out these experiences in order to protect her. I wanted to judge but there was no logic in judging since we in science have been just begun scratching the surface of the mountains of information that the mind holds.

There are some who deal with it by “not allowing anyone to make that impact”. It becomes a way of life as I see it, and the mind begins to work out whats the best way given the original  “not allowing anyone to make that impact” attitude. This in turn leads to the person seeking ways of physically or mentally strengthening themselves by different means, this being done to show their superiority towards lesser mortals as it would seem.  Little do they realize that humans are social beings needing support and each is adept in what they do, making all equally capable.

Humor is another way of the mind coping with situations, a way in which the person tries to forget their situation faced by trying to find or create humor in their daily lives. They either bring humor and joy to others lives thereby nullifying the hurt and despair they feel.

Some throw themselves into causes in order to help themselves by helping others. They find solace in the fact that their life of despair has brought about the good of another. It is but a selfish goal in which their flight from their own situation takes them to their home away from home.

Each way of coping is a physical and outward expression of whats felt deep within. Some listen to loud music, some delve into literature, others meet people, others get intoxicated. Increasingly a way away, but rather a way deeper into the maze than a way out it. Is there a solution?

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Here I was sitting in the hostel 12 mess and having tiffin with a Lisa. The setting sun was casting shadows on the table where we sat. Each time i looked out into the lawn outside the hostel the hues were mesmerising. Lisa was speaking about her experiences with marriage as I began to look out the window and ponder on how intricately balanced marriage is.

She told me about a friend who was in a relationship for 2 years which later culminated in marriage, but a year later the couple were headed for divorce. I guess love is blind and the comfort that they felt during courtship was not really convert into the intimacy after tying the knot.There was another instance where a close friend of hers too was headed for divorce, the primary motive being that her husband was psychologically unstable and the marriage was not consummated even after one year. Her friend as she described was a jovial person to be around and had sacrificed a lot for marriage. But now she is crestfallen and has lost all hope in life. Lisa described a profound ebb in her friends belief in marriage and relationships altogether. The sea of change that happens after marriage held center stage in the entire conversation. Lisa described her sister-in-law who would wake up at 7:00 am sharp and be ready to help in the kitchen, no matter what the case, as against herself. She said “there was a day when all the ladies in the house were trying their hand at mehendi, and my sister-in-law willingly volunteered to get all the hideous designs painted all over her hand”, “cousin responded to my aunts complaints that in case she were to try her mehendi skills on her own kids they would run away”, “while the cousins responded that since she is the daughter-in-law of the house she was obliged to be obedient”. I prompted her there that the daughter-in- law of the house has to take care that any of her action/inactions do not place a blot on her own family. At this Lisa exclaimed that marriage is not just about two individuals but about two families. We both seemed to agree about that aspect though, that even though ceremonially marriage is between two individuals, the shadow of both the in-laws and their respective relatives is omnipresent. And so both the individuals in the marriage are left doing the tight rope, in balancing their responsibilities and there relatives. Another instance was about a couple within her extended family who were married young and had 5 year olds at the age of 26. She asked them how they managed the kids and all the other responsibilities with such ease at that age, and the prompt reply was “you really think we were born trained to handle stuff like that, life just teaches you these things when plunged into such situations ”. Lisa was left exasperated at just the thought of the various intricacies of being married, and exclaimed “I am not ready for marriage!now!”.

The next day I was standing with Danial’s wife Anita at Kalyan station, they had just missed the Lucknow express. Danial was at the ticket counter canceling the ticket and figuring out the best way to get to their destination, while I stood with Anita giving her company guarding the luggage. Anita was explaining to me how they managed to miss the train while I was having a hearty laugh in my mind as to the absurdity of the whole situation. Danial came back and explained that there was no train available at that hour and later too, I looked on as they fought about who was responsible for the delay. As Danial went on again to the ticket counter to arrange for tickets for the next day, Anita remained angry and vented some on me too. She went on to say that Danial was bothering himself discussing the issue repeatedly. The only thing I observed during this time was the dynamics of the togetherness of their relationship. As our discussion progressed she began to divulge her views on the role of each counterpart in marriage. Her views on a counterparts working in the relationship amazed me. She was one to believe that the lady must work, not to be self dependent but to keep herself occupied. She also believed that the girl after marriage becomes the sole responsibility of the husband and ceases to be her father’s daughter altogether, and would adore a person who does not depend on either of the parents for any kind of help monitory or otherwise.

We had to return since there was no train for where Danial and Anita were headed, so we returned from the Kalyan station, sitting at the window seat of the CST slow local. I gazed out of the window to see the well lit hutments on the hills around Mumbai, wondering what actually marriage means. Gone are the days when people married at the age of 23-27, a quick look at the classifieds would clearly indicate that the individuals in search are well established in their careers and the age bracket at the most conservative estimates is 30+. Personally I feel priorities have changed from a family centered living to a career centered life. Where at a time we had parents who lived for their kids and their families(joint or nuclear), now the change is to individuals living out of their suitcases with limited time for others. Friendship is just a social networking site restricted phenomenon, which ofcourse has also become a place for easy pickups. On a positive note there have been some instances where social networking has resulted in marriage, whether they will stand the test of time is not for me to opine on.

As for now Lisa is safe. Her parents are in no hurry to get her married. Lisa’s mother has given her time to decide at her own time and pace. I think she has been hearing of too many divorce cases of late, so she wants her daughter to make an informed choice.

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I guess there is something in trust that no one can explain. Why sometime the closest of friends are considered no more than acquaintances and others but passers-by as the people that can be trusted with all secrets of life. The many questions arose with some incidents that occurred in my life recently, which brought the all abounding question to fore. Why do we trust who we trust?

I was in conversation with a friend who had returned from trip, and he went on to tell me that he had had a relationship and had broken up with that person, this seem to have happened over the last one year. But the most interesting part in this was that he hadn’t disclosed this to his closest friend who he was practically hanging about with all the time during his stay there. Of course the reason was genuine as he told me “Amit will tell the whole world if I tell him this”. This conversation made me think about all the reasons why and how we trust who we trust. Though Amit has been with this friend since childhood and must surely know all his secrets, his trait of not being able to keep secrets made his a poor choice for my friend. Gossiping has an interesting aspect of trust in it, though the trust is exercised among a selected few. Speculation herein can decide whether a person is an angel or a demon since the daily lives of people are is similar to a craved meal for some. A breach of trust there could mean cat fights, over what was/wasn’t said. Most if not always its about what was not said.

Rivalry governs trust at the work place or otherwise, and comes into play when there is something to be disclosed. Therein the issue has to be taken into consideration that any disclosure could undermine the chances of that opportunity. There are also times when speculation is rife about happenings in the work setting. Speculations here let me clarify may be of two types; the first being a general speculation which may not be significant. But the speculation would hold water when something significant happens which corroborates it. One would say where does the trust part come in here? Well the trust here is between the two individuals sharing the speculation and their best judgment in disclosing it. At times it may happen that the disclosure is detrimental to the information and the subsequent occurrences do not take place because of the disclosure. On the other hand is piece of information shared which is person specific, maybe related to a promotion or good news. In the domain of secrets information about positive developments in a person’s life are kept a secret until there is a physical manifestation of it to stave off any negative repercussions of disclosure. A distantly related context to this is that the news about conception is never given before the first trimester. The paparazzi are always taking good hard looks at the tummies of the married or live-in star couples especially in the US to obtain scoops on their personal lives, and the stars making it harder for them to find out.

After reading Maximum city, I am reminded about the interviews Mr Suketu Mehta had with the gangsters. Trust takes on another very unique form. The trust is only between the weapon and the wielder, there is no trust between people. On the other hand many a times trusted sources or informants make life easier for the police. But I would also like to add here that the 26/11 attacks would have been averted if trust was nurtured between intelligence gathering agencies and law enforcement agencies. On a larger perspective I am reminded of the words of our late Prime Minister Indira Gandhi’s confidant, he said that after his interactions with Mrs. Gandhi he realized that the truth has many sides. I guess what he meant to say was that each happening had numerous sides to it and not everyone can be trusted with the truth about all the aspects of it.

Though I believe trust is the child falling into the arms of his/her parent, knowing that they will surely catch them in mid air. Trust is the platoon believing in their comrades to protect them with their life when at war. And I also believe in what a friend once told me “I may believe you but I will never trust you”, it seems complicated but the connotations are simple if we just look around.

So which side are you on, trust or  anti trust

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There was a curious mail doing its rounds as a chain mail. The projection that Dads are the quintessential lazy logs who after a days work at office park themselves in front of television sets and wait for their food to be served there itself, and when the entertainment is done , would announce to no one in particular “I am going off to sleep”. On the other hand the mother of the house would be around going about the chores at the end of the day, washing utensils and putting reminders, checking to see whether all the kids were asleep. Memories went back to the days when I used to be with the book at the fag end of the day half sleepy, getting the spanking for not being able to get the Marathi or the Hindi right. Night was the only time dad had, to sit with me for studies. Dad meant terror in a sense that languages were a nightmare for me at school. Though Moms are irrefutably the best and the most efficient multi-dexterous beings on earth, let us not forget the contribution dads have made to our upbringing.

Recently me and dad were in conversation over a bike ride within the city, he suddenly said “ I was just wondering what it would be like to ride a sports bike to Goa and back” , “ you know we could borrow it from a friend” , for a second there I as taken aback, I said “ dad for a bike that gives a measly 6-7 km / liter it would be a nightmare, we’d just be spending on fuel and noting else”, he retorted “ worth a try, wouldn’t it be?, the journey would be faster”. I forgot to mention that my dad is 61, has a severe lower back pain and doctors have told him not to ride a bike. After that incident I realized that sub consciously the slightly impulsive nature that I have is because of him. It was he who was instrumental in me aiming higher.

Now that I think of it, it is dad who told me always to do things perfectly and not half heartedly. It was his gesture towards our upbringing that made discipline whether in the appearance or in speech that has counted for the way I sub consciously go about with the daily things in life. Curiously as I was speaking to a friend who was narrating his experiences with his dad. He told me that though his father was a government employee he never once used the transportation provided by the government. He always traveled by public transport. Interestingly in contrast to this he would stay in standard hotels which had a license and registration and take valid bills for the same, which would later be reimbursed. He is one brought up with simple means, but as and when required his father went out of his way to provide.

Cheers to dads !!!!!!!!

Mom if you are reading this, you are not supposed to but if you still are then chill!!

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Sushi is a delicacy of the Japanese cuisine; the preparation is of raw fish with herbs and rice. I am told that there are many types of sushi, and the flavor of all of those is in the hands of the chef. But that’s not the point I am trying to make. It’s not the variety, but the taste; there is a certain taste that one has to develop for a particular type of food. Indian cuisine is more towards the addition of a lot of spices and has to be well cooked and of course vegans are abundant in India. I have heard a lot of complaints from my vegetarian friends having found themselves stranded for food during foreign visits.

I met someone yesterday, someone I knew for sometime through the networking of the modern age. Had been chatting with this person, finally yesterday we decided on dinner. It was strange that I knew this person, but was unaware of the fact that this person was working close by. Well I am bored of calling “this person”, let’s say this person is August. The fact was conveniently kept from me that August was working nearby. So here I was waiting for August near the restaurant, no sign of August. I was on the verge of calling August and canceling the whole thing. But I waited and the wait bore fruit. We went into the restaurant, sat down to a wonderful meal. We spoke about the same things that we had spoken a number of times over the phone. There was a time during the wait that I wondered to myself, why am I doing this. Why give time to someone who you have just come to know, or for that matter spend a whole evening waiting for that person.

As I mentioned that you have to develop a taste for food. And the anticipation of that taste is what kept me there waiting for August last evening. The trait of food is that the taste remains for a while, but the taste of the right people to have around remains for a long time. It is an investment in itself. Some times, like my experience with August, it’s like tasting Sushi. People have praised it as the best of Japanese cuisine but still there is the feeling of venturing into unknown territory. There is no clear idea of what the experience entrails. There are other instances when the after taste of a particular preparation of food is unsavory and it makes the experience of delving into unknown territory a risk. But as the quote goes

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure. Helen Keller.

There was this overwhelming feeling after the departure that we have known each other for a long time. The after taste in this case I guess was worth the adventure………

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