Part of me

 

I was clean unblemished as I woke to those two pairs of eyes,

I began shedding in those arms of care, each part gone to make way for a part of them

I received most from those arms that gave and expected nothing back

It was they that gave me the will to share and courage to give

 

Little did I know those who I gave not gold or silver, I offered them irreplaceable a part that was my own

Empty I felt though not sad for the emptiness, happy to be a part of another being

Some threw it away, not to be replaced, wasted in time, realized not they

Some though as I turned my back held it and cherished it, made it part of them

 

Life gives a chance to meet and offer, not a chance to look who accepted and who did not

It gives only the chance to meet and share not chose who share and who waste

Here I am now, with half of me gone and half of me waiting to go,

When I shall go for ever, it will be when I have shed the last bit of me.

 

Where oh where do I go from those I love, where oh where do they take me

I have now cherished memories of pieces that fit not, of those who gave more than just a small bit

Rusty are some parts some old, cherish these I must the most, they vow to make it to the last mile

Some are new and shiny, they glisten their luster false, I know they last not the break of dawn

 

Sad I feel for moments i did not share, a chance to give myself, opportunity to make a difference

Times sadder for those parts irreplaceable I threw, of those who wanted to share themselves in earnest

Desire makes me want to reach back in time, snatch moments sad, moments long gone

Homage must i pay for the mistakes made, a vow to repeat not the same unfortunate time

Education paradox:

          “Oh! I am from Mumbai, do you know St Michaels school. My son was educated there, he is in the first year of engineering now”, this was the rant of a middle aged and what seemed to be an over protective mother of her only son. It seems she has an attraction for the United States and wants her son to pursue further education there. So here she was at Techfest, searching for information on education institutions, for her son 3 years before he graduates. I shouldn’t be the one to judge but … isn’t it too much pressure!! Oh and she did mention that one of her relatives was an IIT alumnus a long time ago. That’s one case of freedom to do-what-you-like, stifled.
          Education institutions on the other hand expect students to be inherently great, but leave little opportunity for students to be great. One educationist asked me “do you have any publications, I said yeah. Oh he said then its great, you will be a good Phd candidate”, come over to so and so place and we can have a chat and I will introduce you to the faculty of so and so college so you can start off applying to a place abroad for your Phd.
          I sometimes feel we are just our CVs, and nothing more in this market driven place. Each move, so to say has to be planned and must be an added bullet point on a white sheet of paper, in order to attain great heights. Any attention given to arts or creativity must be scrutinized in order to mesh well with future goals. And we complain that people lack creativity. So a student in comparison feels like nothing, when he/she is compared to people his own age group, unless of course he/she strikes gold. Until then I hope they don’t take an extreme step and end up as a statistic. We have to start somewhere, CVs dont just materialise from thin air. Here is where the education institutions play an important role, but they too shirk off their responsibility, and the responsibility lies with the student for not being able to produce a good CV. Its all a vicious circle.
 
So i pose a few questions:
Can we remove this stifling environment?
Can the people around us grow out of comparing?
Can parents just let their wards grow out on their own and stop pressurizing them?
Can education institutions stop expecting from students and begin doing their job and giving the necessary values and education to the students?

Mumbai Marathon

          I was just wondering whether I should be disappointed or whether I should blame my shoes, but the cool breeze in the crowded train was just beginning to take away the fatigue so I was busy soaking it in. I could see all the others tired but restive and dry when I noticed the person next to me sweating profusely. It seemed odd given that I dry up within 15min of my workout, and everybody else was dry too. By that time it had been almost 2 hours after completion.  Suddenly he looked up to me and asked me whether I have Sorbitol, and I could see in his eyes that he was about to faint. A dead guy next to me was not my idea of an after marathon experience, so I hurriedly asked my Vinay for water and if he was carrying any Oral rehydration salts. Luckily he was. The people around also sprang into action and began asking him all sorts of questions about whether he had heart problems, whether he had any chest pain, etc etc. Luckily it was just a case of severe dehydration after the marathon.  The guy nearly fainted when he rose to get off the train. But after a while and a lot of water mixed with re hydration salts he was fine.

          It was the journey back from my second marathon , the last was not frought with so much of fanfare like the Mumbai marathon.  I had registered for the half marathon way back in August 2009. had entirely forgotten and was sure that I would not be running it until I received a mail form Standard Chartered. The only preparation was 3-4, 5km runs clocking close to 22-24 min, and some cross training on my bicycle after I received the mail.  Registrations for the marathon open mid July and are open for a limited period. Categories include the full marathon comprising a run of 42.195km, half marathon of 21.097 km, the dream run of 6km, senior citizens run and the wheelchair event. The Mumbai marathon is also famous for the amount of causes that find their way into the run. I saw people running for vegetanirism, to save water etc etc.

          As we set out that morning not knowing what we had in store for us it seemed apt for me to complete the race than make strides in timing. Someone said that he had run 12 km continuously twice which for half marathon standards was a good enough workout. I told him that I had, had just 5km practices and he told me he had hope while I was just hanging by a thread.  I reminded myself of the first marathon I had run and the focus I had maintained until the end in pursuing that goal. I was among the first 50, which was an achievement in itself at that point of time. But that morning as we warmed up for the half marathon I was sure this marathon would be much more exciting.  There were the old and the young alike comparing notes on how they had trained and what they were aiming for. Each seemed to be wanting to complete a mental milestone that day, highly unlike the marathon in Pune. Each seemed to know the other,  I was guessing either from the same training group or just fellow marathoners who ran each year. All they impression they made on me were the number bibs they were wearing.

          The first 2km of the marathon took us through the Bandra-Worli sea link. I started on a high note and began snaking my way through the throng of people ahead of me. All I could see ahead of me was a sea of people who I needed to beat before I made my mark. The Navy chopper hovering over us with a camera crew, and the people randomly taking photos on the sea-link was an unavoidable disturbance. I just wanted to focus on the run. Later I realized I should have carried my phone along to get pics of the seal-ink, its not everyday you get to stroll on the sea-link toll free. My feet had begun to ache as the sea link past me and I continued on from the sea face towards Pedder road. My calfs and joints had begun killing me. Lucky for me I was carrying the sachets of pain relief balm in my pocket which did the trick tough only for a couple of minutes until the pain was back.  These sachets were from the goodie bag which was given to all the marathoners, on collection of their number bibs. It included articles like cosmetics, juices, energy pills and the like. The joke was who needed to run the marathon if the 500/- was recovered this way. After 15km I just stopped taking the trouble of taking the sachet out to relieve me of pain. All that remained was the distance ahead, the pain was just a hitching a free ride as I went along.  Every corner had a bunch of volunteers cheering us to the beat of drums and some annoying music. But what lead me on were the hoards of people lining the streets to cheer us on, give us water and make the journey feel a little less lonely. As against the Pune marathon where the run was lonely most of the 21km, here is was quite the opposite.

          The 2 hours 15 min spent running seemed like a blur. As I climbed Pedder road the body seemed like a motor with a broken switch. Any attempts to stop and walk my way were met with resistance and I was forced to take stride and keep running though slowly.  Friends had warned me about the sun beating down on the runners on Marine drive, which was the final 4 km of the race. I was intent on clearing this part early on, but time was against me. The sun came in full force and beat down. Luckily the shadows created by buildings made it a little less painful. The last 1 km to Azad maidan, made me want to give up and I nearly cursed myself for having run at all.  I reached the finish line when the timer read 2 hours 15 min and 10 sec.  The body had no energy to execute a cool down. A cool down is a process of slow running and stretches to allow the body to come to a halt. The motor had been running for 21 km, it was evident it would not stop just like that. It was warm and the heat made me puke what ever I ate. All I could do to stave off the pain was to keep moving around.

          Back in the hostel it took two whole days for the body to stop aching, and reminding me of that beautiful 17^th Jan morning of 2010, the day I was privileged to  see the sun rise from the Bandra-Worli sea link.

The war within

I lay myself on that cool white sand and look at the stars

The stars at play in the dark sky I see, oblivion a blurr

Sitting myself up I feel the breeze, as it whispers in my ear

Those chills it sends over my skin, keen to let me know

 

I wake on that sand and sit myself up

I look to the distant ship, floating far far away

A wonder it seems to look at the far expanse of water

Hearing the birds tweet, makes me want to fly

 

Is life like that ship I wonder, a distant aim to be achieved

A colossal expanse to cover as I move towards that goal

Is life like the birds I wonder, living life as each moment

Like each moment tweet they must, to cherish and to hold

 

As the waters caress my feet, they cover my feet and leave it wet

They say to me that they must wrap my feet though I want not

Troubled times like water, covers my existence and the journey ensues

It makes wonder why I am here, do I live just to fight each day

 

As I walk along, the heart is uneasy at the core

I ponder each day the race begins, outwit we must to feed our existence

The war begins at the core of our existence, taking us to new highs

Little do we realise, we fight none but ourselves

 

Where can we find ourselves, but in ourselves

Where are the roads that lead to happiness, but within

Where does sadness seat itself, but at the core of our existence

Where oh where I ask the mortal, why do they look beyond the self

Deceit

Innocent are those eyes, deep in them I see a wonderful friend

The smile could take the breath away, i can lose my self in them

Hope to be there in troubled times are rife, though no cares of the world

Why may I doubt the intention, care I need the least?

 

As i walk the untrodden path, the demons come out to play,

They wear grabs of friendship, lest i notice their hidden rot.

I know not what they want, beguiled by their luster i am led,

Overwhelmed was I of the following, questioned not i even once why.

 

Oh how but how can one know the good from the bad,

Where oh where may I get directions of how to look beneath the masks,

Is there no one who can lift that veil for me,tied are my hands,

Why oh why do I have to dig deep inside, those skeletons unearthed.

 

Strange are the ways of the world, we see one thing and get just the opposite,

We need but to avoid the ditches in our path, lest we are fooled.

Strange are the people we meet, stab they must when we look the other way,

We need but to avoid those, lest they spoil us too.

 

We live in a word of bent spines and broken rules,

Promises made need not last their course, they are but a need of the hour

We exist among those who have no conscience,

Lies sugar coated to suit, the mountain of them buried under a facade

 

As i watch on, enlightened now more than ever, astounded at their finesse to deceive,

Crave do i to inform the gullible, to divulge the ineptitude they embrace.

Hold myself though lest i am rebuked, distanced from the ones who call me their own,

Enlightened can they be when they open their minds, open to the truth i worry though lest not too late

Voices within

Sound or cacophony a perception I understand not

The sound of the moving train, a rhythmic beat to the ear

Though some may call it noise, I hear the sweet sound of metal on metal

An inconspicuous reminder of each day and it moods

 

I hear voices too, voices that I know not who speaketh

It says to me meekly what to do and what not to

A voice that speaks my heart, and sometimes contradicts my path

I know but true that each is gifted with one

 

As the wind whistles through, and rustles the leaves

Its call daunting, calling, provoking

But the voice within roots me, pulling me back though I want to fly

It makes real that I haven’t the slightest skills to fly.

 

Chatters all around, voices overpowering, sounds unyielding

Lets not the mind find its peace, makes it wander with the currents at work

Sounds pierce like bullets, as my eardrums seek to defend themselves

Shattering the calm my edifice would like to retain

 

It pains me to keep at bay, friends and foes alike

Why must they feign ignorance, know not they a need for calm.

Why must they tug at flimsy strings of patience?

Broken they bring but unwanted acts, a fury unleashed

 

No difference do I see in the wild and me, had not the voice spoken

The voice holds firm my belief, we are humans gifted with choice

Choices to destroy or forgive, the power within our reach

Voices say I must not indulge, violence but a cowardly act.

 

Facade

Morning dawns and I wake and slip out of bed,

Needless I feel the need to think about the people today

The mirror speaks volumes to me , it rebukes me so to say

I trudge back to my bed, ready to go back to rest

 

As I leave I forget something, I realise I have left something vital

Something I dare not forget, a shield to protect me through this day

Having worn it I step out, it’s a snug fit thought not comfortable

Mirror oh mirror I ask, does mine seem to fool the naive

 

Faces speak volumes though a genius would not understand

A pout, a smile an unknown smirk, as the day wears on

Some sag some joyous as the sun sets on yet another day

They speak of what they are and what they want to be

 

Hide they must under the veil of secrecy, a thick façade

They see contorted faces within, as their mirrors rebuke

They must go about their chores, lest someone notice a kink

Each façade being a means to an end, to achieve, to hurt, to hide

 

What do I lose I ask, when we remove this mask so to say

Is it dignity, oh not so because dignity ones pride he needn’t hide

Is it shame, though maybe a reason to hide a lost battle

Is it a weakness, surely I feel, to conceal what we cant be

 

What profit a man bestow upon himself, if he hideth his weakness

He lives a life wasted in the endeavor, lest someone notice a kink

What happiness does he receive, as he reveals not himself but an impostor

Living off false praise, he knows not what he has won nor lost

 

When evening is nigh, I long to remove my facade

A long respite from discomfort, to see my true self

I pray to my God for the power to throw away my facade each night

Though am left weak in front of my mirror, each morn at the sun rise.

Faces of time

Faces we meet each day, a world we know not without them

Intriguing , scary, wondering and the likes

They walk past along streets, some walk along into and out of lives

Faces we see mirrors in some, its a face that begins a life

 

Each face has a reason to be, a reason to turn a leaf in the pages of life

Faces of the present past and the future

Long have we forgotten some faces, hidden within our pasts

They have been buried in the sands of time, immortal in us

 

Conniving faces in abundance are present

Seeking to draw from our well of plenty

Leave they must, quenched from their thirst

To seek another face, whose shine snatch they must

 

Some faces depart not in adversity or pain

They are our guiding light in the dark

Sometimes they walk beside, most others they carry us

Trudging with us though they can run, strong in their resolve to be with us.

 

Faces hold hands to take us through what we must learn

Drag an unwilling us, through the fires of trial

Running away, no solution to a problem

We must but learn to face the faces of reality

Lonely Planet

A rose may bloom on a thorny bush

An example of beauty in disparity

Though but fragrant, beautiful and loud

It stands lonely as a distant dream for some

 

We came naked and unfettered

We live bound and restrained

We want to be free though we cant

Lonely though we are alone we become

 

Long has man reached peaks unfathomed

He sees beauty and lands distant from there

The world astride the stars within reach

We for got that atop pinnacles is life but lonely

 

We need no less than stars, we want the heavens

Ornaments of gold and wares of sliver

Done we but realize the pitfalls of riches

The walls become higher the measures stricter

 

A poor man once whispered, a meal though he lived for

He said he had nor gold or silver nor ambitions colossal

What he said at the end that mattered the most

“I live to live unbound and free; I have but a savior who looketh after me”

Fear

Day in day out there is this lurking shadow I see

Its mine though I feel its someone I know not

Weeks on end I feel it feeding on me

Its as though I feed the air

 

Created though out of our own imagination

A figment that make the greatest fall to pieces, and the smallest capitalize

We love to keep it as a friend, though they eat us from within

There behind people, there behind structures demons overwhelming

 

Unknown are the people we meet in life, befriend we must fearful or not

People make fear a part of their existence, a reason to avoid the unknown

Fear they give to others, delegating their insecurities

Those daunting shapes, those unknown faces

 

Loath I must those that have not tasted defeat

Detest those that have not tried enough I will

What but fear can they share, only a soul untested

They live in cocoons safe in their shells of gold rested

 

I adore those that drive out the fears in me

They that fear not to show me what I do not see

Are not they that make us worthy sculptures

Adorned in the world, leading a hoard of worshipers

 

Must children teach to fear not the unknown

Must they leap, fall and rise again for us to learn

They can but not be left to fear, unless we keep them strong

Must we not stand by them as they go along

 

We travel far and wide, we move in droves

Must we be with our own always, must we quell fear with our own

Our own betray us when in need we must learn, distributing fear to keep us nigh

It is those we befriend who come to our rescue, those that want nothing in return

 

Leap we must if we have to test life, no adventure too great

Leap we must into the unknown, proud of an existence lived not in vain

Life makes us step into the lap of uncertainty time and again

Change must we embrace, a new page changed